Do You Have A United Front?

Before you had kids, did you and your partner sit down and discuss the "hows" of child rearing? Because we didn't. My husband and I are so in sync with everything else in our lives, I guess we both assumed that we would be on the same page regarding things like house rules and discipline. And when the kids were very small (like couldn't walk or talk), we were. How much discipline does a baby need? However, now that they are bigger (6 years and 3 years), I'm finding that there are a bunch of things we simply don't agree on.

Not big things, like the importance of education, the role religion will play in our lives, etc. It's the little things...like when to excuse them from the dinner table, how much TV they are allowed to watch, and how often to allow special treats after meals. We simply are not united on so many of those fronts - and we need to be. It is very hard to hold my tongue when I see my husband allowing (or prohibiting) something that I wouldn't. And so I say things like "Oh, what's the big deal. What's five more minutes with the Leapster?." Not good. I should most definitely not be contradicting him in front of my kids. Not only is it just bad parenting practice, but my kids are smart, and they are learning which of us to ask for certain things and, worse, they pit us against each other. Uh-oh.

I know we can't be the only couple who aren't 100% united on issues regarding our children. But we really need to get it together. I'm intimidated by the conversation, as I hate any kind of confrontation, even the civil kind. But, it's a must have - know it is. It's easier to do it now than wait, I know.

I'm sure this won't be my last post on this subject. If you have any thoughts - or want to share your own stories, please do. I'd love to hear from you.

Sleep Deprivation, Anyone?

Last night I was tag teamed by our preschool aged twins. Usually, they are pretty good sleepers, but since the end of summer they have fallen into the strange habit of waking up in the middle of the night screaming for company. Luckily, they recognize that 2am is not play time and they are willing to stay in their bed and sleep. But, they will only do so with mommy by their side. So, I did a little research and jotted down some notes of my own. Here are some quick tips to get your family resting peacefully and soundly through the whole night.

1. Sleep training works best from about 4 months old to one year old.
2. There is no quick fix. Sleep training can take time and what works for one child may not work for another. Whatever method you choose (Ferber method, crying it out...), be consistent and stick with it. It can take up to 5-6 days to see noticeable differences in your child.
3. Find a routine that works and do it every night. Whether it be dinner, bath, story and bed...or bath, dinner, lullabies and bed, babies and toddlers thrive on routine, as they like to know what's coming next and take great comfort in a regular schedule. It can do wonders to settling a little one down for the night.
4. Try to figure out your child's cue that she is tired. For some children, it's all in the eye rub. I know when my son is tired because he will try to shove Grover's entire blue fuzzy head in his mouth. Once I see the sign, we make a bee-line for the bed.
5. Finally, in my experience, it is best to put a child to sleep while she is still awake - tired, but definitely awake. That way, she learns not only to fall asleep on her own, but that being in her crib or bed is safe and secure.
6. If you are feeling at your wits end with sleep training, we recommend calling Tracey Ruiz, the Sleep Doula. Better yet, come hear her speak at a BlueLoop luncheon on December 1.