Do You Have A United Front?

Before you had kids, did you and your partner sit down and discuss the "hows" of child rearing? Because we didn't. My husband and I are so in sync with everything else in our lives, I guess we both assumed that we would be on the same page regarding things like house rules and discipline. And when the kids were very small (like couldn't walk or talk), we were. How much discipline does a baby need? However, now that they are bigger (6 years and 3 years), I'm finding that there are a bunch of things we simply don't agree on.

Not big things, like the importance of education, the role religion will play in our lives, etc. It's the little things...like when to excuse them from the dinner table, how much TV they are allowed to watch, and how often to allow special treats after meals. We simply are not united on so many of those fronts - and we need to be. It is very hard to hold my tongue when I see my husband allowing (or prohibiting) something that I wouldn't. And so I say things like "Oh, what's the big deal. What's five more minutes with the Leapster?." Not good. I should most definitely not be contradicting him in front of my kids. Not only is it just bad parenting practice, but my kids are smart, and they are learning which of us to ask for certain things and, worse, they pit us against each other. Uh-oh.

I know we can't be the only couple who aren't 100% united on issues regarding our children. But we really need to get it together. I'm intimidated by the conversation, as I hate any kind of confrontation, even the civil kind. But, it's a must have - know it is. It's easier to do it now than wait, I know.

I'm sure this won't be my last post on this subject. If you have any thoughts - or want to share your own stories, please do. I'd love to hear from you.

Sleep Deprivation, Anyone?

Last night I was tag teamed by our preschool aged twins. Usually, they are pretty good sleepers, but since the end of summer they have fallen into the strange habit of waking up in the middle of the night screaming for company. Luckily, they recognize that 2am is not play time and they are willing to stay in their bed and sleep. But, they will only do so with mommy by their side. So, I did a little research and jotted down some notes of my own. Here are some quick tips to get your family resting peacefully and soundly through the whole night.

1. Sleep training works best from about 4 months old to one year old.
2. There is no quick fix. Sleep training can take time and what works for one child may not work for another. Whatever method you choose (Ferber method, crying it out...), be consistent and stick with it. It can take up to 5-6 days to see noticeable differences in your child.
3. Find a routine that works and do it every night. Whether it be dinner, bath, story and bed...or bath, dinner, lullabies and bed, babies and toddlers thrive on routine, as they like to know what's coming next and take great comfort in a regular schedule. It can do wonders to settling a little one down for the night.
4. Try to figure out your child's cue that she is tired. For some children, it's all in the eye rub. I know when my son is tired because he will try to shove Grover's entire blue fuzzy head in his mouth. Once I see the sign, we make a bee-line for the bed.
5. Finally, in my experience, it is best to put a child to sleep while she is still awake - tired, but definitely awake. That way, she learns not only to fall asleep on her own, but that being in her crib or bed is safe and secure.
6. If you are feeling at your wits end with sleep training, we recommend calling Tracey Ruiz, the Sleep Doula. Better yet, come hear her speak at a BlueLoop luncheon on December 1.

Is it the Heat?

Please say it's the heat. My kids have gone crazy, and I'd like to blame the extreme weather - as opposed to my parenting. I've tried letting them shake out their energy by running in the sprinklers, going to the playground, run in the backyard. But it's just too darn hot to be out there for extended periods. And, as a result, strange things are happening. Here's a few examples:

Strange Happening #1:
Yesterday, our 2.5yo decided to strip from the waist down, throw his clothes in the potty, and proceed to "wash" then "air dry" them by flinging them around, soaking himself, the furniture and the floor.

Strange Happening #2:
My toddler son totally outed me when I told my 6 year old that I was only 29 years old. He knew instantly that I was telling a little white lie and said "No you're not. You're 36!" How did he know? He's 2.5!

Strange Happening #3:
Me: "Max - Where are you?" Max: "I'm here!" Me: "Max, I don't see you. Where are you?" Max, even louder: "I'm here, Mama!" Me: "Max, you have to tell me where you are. Mommy can't find you!" Max: Mama! I'm UP HERE!" He was on the top shelf of our floor to ceiling bookcase. Ay carumba.

What are you doing to keep your family sane in this heat? Clearly, I could use some advice!

Darn Technology!

My new business is a one-woman show. I am president and CEO, accountant, Director of Programming and the IT department all wrapped up into one...Trust me when I say that there is a learning curve.

It is for that reason that I ask you to bare with me as I post my second blog of the day. I am simply trying to figure out a new Widget (whatever that means) and hoping that the strange text ("Importing blog feed using NetworkedBlogs") that was mysteriously posted next to my last blog post disappears. Wish me luck as I struggle through this!

If anyone knows what I'm doing wrong, I'd love to hear!

Let's Talk

First - I have to give props to Carly Cooper, owner of Balance the Motherload, for inspiring this blog post. She recently posted her own blog about the subject of encouraging us to find our own fulfillment and to continue to pursue our own dreams and passions, even in the midst of the daily chaos of family, home and work. She even created a "Mind Movie" to inspire moms to find their balance and their own joy.

I launched BlueLoop because I know that moms are searching for more - more connection, more inspiration, more knowledge. However, I know how difficult it is to find the time. But we need to and we need to find that connection, inspiration and knowledge in each other. Why? Moms take comfort in the ups and downs, successes and challenges of other moms, as it validates our own experiences, whether they our celebrations or struggles. It easy to feel disconnected and as though what each of us is feeling is our own, solitary struggle. But the truth is that none of us experiences motherhood in a vacuum - motherhood is our shared, common adventure. So, let's talk about it. Let's talk about motherhood.

I'll start. I have a spunky, energetic toddler who I worry about. I am about to have a fourth and I'm excited but scared. I work from home and have trouble keeping myself honest. I hate making dinner. I had a rough night with my 6 year old and got too angry. Who's with me?

In an attempt to help moms share and connect, BlueLoop has launched its first in a series of "Support Groups" designed to enable moms to engage, discuss and tackle the issues we all face. The first is a Working Moms Support Group, which begins on Wednesday, September 15 and runs for four consecutive Wednesdays. Upcoming support groups include New Moms, Moms of Multiples, and Moms of Toddlers. If you have any suggestions about topics which you'd like BlueLoop to address, please let us know. In the meantime, let's keep talking. We'd love to hear your feedback.

Panic Mode: When baby makes six

I might be revealing a little too much about myself right now. And perhaps I will be flamed for what I'm about to admit. I am 14 weeks pregnant with my fourth child and I am scared out of my mind. Panicked, actually.

It's a different kind of panic I felt when I was pregnant with my first child. Those anxieties stemmed from the fact that I had never been a mom before. Was I going to be a good mom? How was the transition going to be as I morphed from working girl to stay at home mom? Could I handle the demands of a newborn? This time, however, I know the demands of a newborn and so I am anxious about how to tend to/care for/make time for our newborn and six year old and three year old twins. I am petrified that someone will get lost in the mix...that someone will end up short-changed. How do I make sure everyone has their needs met? How will I do this?

Certainly, my husband and I knew what we were getting into. We tried to get pregnant and we kept trying after two early losses, so I am in no way suggesting that this all happened by accident. But, honestly, that's how I feel some moments. I admit that I wonder how in the world we are going to make this work. Again, it's not all moments - I am thrilled beyond belief to add to our family. But I am really trying to figure it all out - the logistics, the juggling, and, most importantly, the division of my attention. Right now, I can't seem to make it work in my head. Perhaps, when I'm in the thick of it, it will all just happen naturally. Unfortunately, I am a girl who likes to plan...and I'm having trouble making this plan take shape. So, I guess what I really would love is some suggestions and advice. Moms, how do you juggle? Stay organized? Be everywhere at once? What are your secrets? Please share your thoughts and I will post your insights in an upcoming blog and on Facebook.

Caffeinated Kids

Most parents, myself included, wouldn’t give a second thought to letting their kids eat chocolate or indulge in a soda every once and a while. But would I ever give him a cup of coffee? No way. This is why I nearly keeled over when an old teacher colleague of mine told me last week that a parent of one of her students actually blamed a poor test grade on the fact that she hadn’t had her morning latte. Grade Six? All that caffeine can’t be good on a young body. So, I did a little research.

Caffeine is a natural ingredient found in the leaves, seeds or fruit in a variety of plants, such as tea leaves, coffee and cocoa. It is added to carbonated drinks and some over the counter medications and is defined as a drug because it affects the central nervous system and is considered addictive.

People who are sensitive to caffeine can suffer from:
*sleep problems
*headaches
*anxiety
*irritability.

More seriously, it can cause an increase in heart rate and blood pressure, and affect calcium balance and bone health. It has also been potentially linked to reproductive and newborn health. It is recommended that healthy adults not consume more than 450 milligrams of caffeine a day (about 3 cups of coffee).

Children are at greater risk for the behavioural affects of caffeine, such as mood changes, attentiveness, and alertness. Children who consume too much caffeine are more likely to suffer from frequent stomach aches, head aches and have difficulty sleeping. It can also aggravate heart problems or nervous disorders and some children may not know they are at risk.

Canadian guidelines recommend that preschool children get a maximum of 45 milligrams of caffeine a day. That's equivalent to the average amount of caffeine found in a 12-ounce can of soda or four 1.5-ounce milk chocolate bars. So, how much caffeine are your children really consuming? Well, one can of Coke has 34 mg; a can of diet coke has 45mg; 5oz of brewed coffee has 115; 8oz of chocolate milk has 5mg; and tablet of cold medicine has about 30mg. (Taken from Kids Health .)

What is the best way to cut caffeine out of your children’s daily food and drink intake? First and foremost, eliminate soda and chocolate from your child’s diet. Encourage them to drink water, fruit juice or milk and keep tabs on the amount of candy your child eats. Second, make sure you wean them off caffeine slowly and understand that without their daily "fix" your child may become irritable, tired, and achy. Of course, you can allow your children to indulge in a can of soda or a chocolate bar once in a while. For any healthy diet, moderation is key and a little caffeine won’t do any to derail your attempts to keep your child caffeine free.

For more information, please visit Health Canada or www.KidsHealth.org.